Mellen (absentmammoth) wrote,

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Oh, that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew...

Today was a bad day.

I feel like a child who's gone out chasing fireflies. He claps his hands around one and holds onto it carefully, so as not to crush it, but keep it for as long as possible. Yet, when he opens his hands, it turns out there really isn't anything there.

For the first time in my life, I have truly and completely lost hope. The one thing I always try to hold on to. It's firefly that was never actually there...

I feel stupid, I feel depressed, I feel sad, and I feel lost. I can honestly say, I have never before felt this bad. All those other times, somewhere in the back of my mind, I still clung to an almost impossible hope. Now, there is no almost, and there is nothing left to cling to. So much for my old theory hope springs eternal, ne?

I feel like I want to be run over by a bullet train. Where's a damn bullet train when you need one?

There's no need to worry about me, though. I know I still can hope for other things...just not today...not today...

And one more thing, a very important thing: I'm sorry.

  • (no subject)

    so the basics since i last said anything to anyone via the internet are: 1. staying in japan for a third year. this was a tough decision, but the…

  • (no subject)

    i'm not dead, just boring.

  • (no subject)

    also, is this really a new Bonnie "Prince" Billy album, or just some random songs thrown together for a kind of EP? Because it's kind…

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