This morning, I woke up, and the answer came to me. The reason I'm so lonely, and what I can do about it...I then promtly fell back asleep and forgot it totally when I woke up again. However, pondering over the course of the day, things like this occurred to me:
1. I have more fun when I'm with someone. Times seem a little less rough when I have someone to be with. Maybe this is why I want a relationship...to just simply enjoy myself a bit more.
2. The thought of making someone else happy makes me happy. I think this is why I stayed with Ed as long as I did...even though things didn't seem to work out so well, he seemed happy to be with me in the end. I know I can't base a relationship on this alone, but I think it could explain why I'm so lonely. I really want to make someone else happy by being with then. It is part of what makes me happy.
3. Nostalgia. I have so many fond memories of being in relationships, and right now, I don't have those same, glorious feelings to just saturate into my soul. I miss that a lot.
4. I want to be loved. It's a damned good feeling, and without it, I feel there is a part of me that just dies away. Being liked as a friend, or in a "light" relationship makes me happy, but it's not the same. I'm not looking for fairy tale, sweep you off your feet romance, but just some genuine love.
Those are all the ideas I've come up with so far...though whatever it was I forgot this morning was a hell of a lot better. As important as this is, however, I must now figure out what I'm going to sing at tonight's musical auditions. ::sigh::...."I feel pretty, oh so pretty...."