Was there some plauge that swept over the land last night and killed most of the people who were going to come to the mall? Did the terrorist alert turn to neon pink and they're scared planes will fall from the skies onto their heads? Or are they just that afraid of the rain now?

Usually, poor weather encourages shoppers to come here. I can't remember the last time the mall was this dead on a cloudy day. Thank Eris!

Whatever it was that kept them away, I'd to have it distilled and kept in a handy spray bottle for future use.