July 5th, 2002

i'm good!

Warning: The following post contains mushy, sentimental material that some may find offensive. Viewer discrestion is advised.

I'm a prose writer, by nature. For me to write poetry is an incredible struggle. What's even worse is that the subject I would like to write poetry about has been done before, and a thousand times better than I could ever write it. Love poems are as cliche as surprise twist endings are these days. At the same time, I feel like it's almost a shame I should be endowed with such a tremendously beautiful love and not have the ability to express it to others as poetically as I feel it.

The feelings this boy creates in me, the feelings that he has for me, are as difficult to accurately describe as they are easy to recognize. It's like I've been given buckets of paint in more shades than any person has ever seen, but I can't paint to save my life. I've been been given enough material for a thousand poems every time he holds me or looks into my eyes, but I can't find the words to write a single poem.

Why do I want to write it though? Because "poetry isn't poetry. I mean it doesn't lie" (Iluminatus Trilogy, p.384). Read the rest of that passage someday, and you might get an idea of what it is that I mean. I have to resort to other peoples' words to even convey describing what it is I want to describe. I'm at that kind of a loss for words.

For now, it seems, I have to let it suffice to say that I love him, more than my words can ever say. And I can never express how grateful I am for that either.
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