December 15th, 2000

i'm good!

To thine own self be true...

I'd forgotten until just now how nice it is to do things sometimes just because you want to do them for yourself. Yes, I worry a great deal about my friends, and I want to help them in any way I possibly can. Perhaps that's why I enjoy doing things for them so much. Yet, I've been so caught up in it, I forgot the simple pleasure of doing something purely for my own benefit, things that don't really effect anyone else.

A good example of this idea is this very journal. More than anything else, I write in here for myself. I enjoy getting comments, sure, but mainly, I write to express myself for myself. I find people often write with more interest and the results are better when they write for themselves, not someone else. I know my writing in here is no master work of English literature, but it feels good to get out.

Another example is art. Right now, I'm doing, of all things, a piece made using crayons and turpentine. It's simple and a lot of fun to work on. I really like the effect this new medium has. This picture isn't an assignment, the medium was not a requisite, I'm doing it merely because I felt like it. I'm really enjoying it, too, even if it isn't my finest work.

I started to learn Japanese about 6 months or so ago, as most of you know. It was by no means required of me. I don't have as much time as I'd like to, but when I have the time, I really like learning and practicing. When I am able to translate just a line of a song or a short dialogue in an anime, it makes me happy, because that's the kind of thing I've been working to do. I do it simply for my own happiness. Atashi no shiawase.

I try not to be self-centered, and I really enjoy doing things for other people. Still, it's the little things that I do on my own that really help me get by some days. I think everyone would be at least a little bit happier if they took time to recognize what it is they like to do for themselves, just themselves, and do it.
  • Current Music
    Seki Toshihiko - Flowers
i'm good!


Even though nothing else truly interesting has happened today, at least I've got that Chinese food I'd been craving, heh.
  • Current Music
    Koyasu Takehito & Imai Yuka - Invincible Love
i'm good!

Red, Blonde, and Blue...

Alright, unlike some of the things I try and let my brain sort through, a rather superficial one has arisen. I'm thinking about dying my hair. The current colors I'm looking at are a natural red, like the color hair I was born with, and a deep blue, similar to Misato's hair color, if you catch the reference. I think these colors would be fun and interesting for a couple reasons. Red would be interesting, so as to see what my hair would look like had it not naturally turned blonde when I was 6 months old. Blue, on the other hand, is my favorite color, and my hair would probably take the dye very well, and it would match nearly my entire wardrobe. However, in both instances, there is the fading process to consider. I would get permanent dye, but I dunno...

If anyone doesn't recall my hair-dying experience of two years ago, here's a breif overview. For a show, we needed to give me dark hair, so, a couple of people went out, bought some black hair dye, and then I dyed it. It was black for one day, dark brown for about 3, and then grey for another 2-3 months. Some people liked the silver look...I, however, was not one of them. To make things worse, in the sunlight, it reflected this strange pink color. It was not the most pleasant of experiences.

For that very reason, some people will no doubt tell me NOT to dye my hair again. It took forever to get the blonde back, so I ought to keep it that way. And, if truth be told, my hair really is a very cool color. "Golden rose" is what my hairdresser calls it, and she knows my hair pretty well, having done it since I was about 7 years old. I'd be unable to get a hair cut unless it was before I dyed it, or after it came out, because she would simply be ashamed to see me change the color. It seems to come back just fine, though, so no worries there.

So, I'm curious what other people think. Red, blue, or stay with the blonde. And if so, should I get a different haircut to accompany this change? Your opinions will by no means make or break my desicion, but I'd like some feedback. Thanks.
  • Current Music
    BAISER - Prism