Mellen (absentmammoth) wrote,
Mellen
absentmammoth

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Understanding

I don't know how I ever expect to understand other people. On my own, I have trouble understanding myself. It was only recently that I at last figured out that, despite my claims that I was not at all angry at my ex-boyfriend of 7 months, I was. I've been taking it out on him by doing all the things he used to due to me in our relationship that I hated so much. Belittling, insulting his intellegence, disregarding his interests and tastes, not letting him get his point of view across...he did them to me, and I've been doing them to him. I feel really bad about that. I guess I was angrier than I thought...

There is so much about myself I just don't get. Why am I so lonely all the time? I have friends, some very good friends for that matter. Yet, suddenly, I've made my existence depend on having a singular, male companion. I never USED to have that problem. Why do I now? And why is it that I'm only interested in the ones who don't particularly want me? Is it *because* I know I can't have them? It's times like this I need a therapy session from my "personal therapist". Til then, I'll just have to sit here trying to figure it out myself...
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