Yet, sometimes, like tonight, I really appreciate the loneliness. I'm not sure that's the right word...it's more like sabi. The perfect beauty of solitude. The tree that flowers singularly and alone. The empty space between the stars. The quietness of nothing.
Often, something is beautiful because it will fade away. The only way they will continue to exist is as a moment photographed in the mind. Distilled kisses from the abyss. Nothing lasts, including this lone moment. But it's fleeting existence, perfect in still emptiness, makes it beautiful.
When I was young, on a cold winter night I stepped outside, wrapped in a blanket, and stared at the crisp perfection of the sky. And while I was alone, I wasn't lonely in the sense I wanted anyone else there. That's a sabi memory I'll always have, but may well never have again.
Tonight, it is very much the same. Impermanence and solitude are, at this moment, perfection.